Are you wandering or being led?
I have been thinking a lot lately why life feels off. Recently, things just seem to be harder--like trying to run in molasses, or trying to see far-off without glasses. I am straining. I am strained. I was reading out of my past journals (an activity I practice when looking for solutions to current problems), and was surprised again how much I learn from what I wrote. A journal is a godsend. A bible.
I didn't ask the Lord about any of the decisions I made this fall. Not where I live, not what classes I am taking, not what clubs to join, what sports to play, what activities to fill my time. I did it all by myself and it is starting to show. Do we ever really know what is good for us? I am starting to doubt it.
I realize now that instead of being led to where the Lord wants me this semester, I was wandering to and fro, searching for where I thought I would be of most use and happiest. Wandering, Searching, Testing. These are all good methods and sometimes God will send us down those paths--give us time to think about what we've done or where we need to go. But to embark on a stint of wandering without direction is just dawdling life away. There is such a thing as happy diversion, or needed sauntering. But those are afternoon pursuits only valued when their length allows for a return to the paths of progression. Right?
Am I wandering through life or being led?
Perhaps I missed a chance to do something great this fall; To grow from a class I should have taken, to serve in a capacity I might have been given, or to simply be at peace with the world around me.
The story continues: After having forgotten the source of his happiness, the next time this former young missionary was faced with a decision, he turned and asked God, "What wouldst thou have me do, now?"