In Bonn, Deutschland

Once upon a time there lived a young missionary in Germany, who wanted to be good. He lived in the ward boundaries of a member who was wise beyond her years. This ward member had a quote book out of which a young Elder Williams read the following:

Are you wandering or being led?

I have been thinking a lot lately why life feels off. Recently, things just seem to be harder--like trying to run in molasses, or trying to see far-off without glasses. I am straining. I am strained. I was reading out of my past journals (an activity I practice when looking for solutions to current problems), and was surprised again how much I learn from what I wrote. A journal is a godsend. A bible.

I didn't ask the Lord about any of the decisions I made this fall. Not where I live, not what classes I am taking, not what clubs to join, what sports to play, what activities to fill my time. I did it all by myself and it is starting to show. Do we ever really know what is good for us? I am starting to doubt it.

I realize now that instead of being led to where the Lord wants me this semester, I was wandering to and fro, searching for where I thought I would be of most use and happiest. Wandering, Searching, Testing. These are all good methods and sometimes God will send us down those paths--give us time to think about what we've done or where we need to go. But to embark on a stint of wandering without direction is just dawdling life away. There is such a thing as happy diversion, or needed sauntering. But those are afternoon pursuits only valued when their length allows for a return to the paths of progression. Right?

I was not ever thus, nor prayed that Thou shouldst lead me on;

I loved to choose and see my path; but now lead Thou me on!

I loved the garish day, and, spite of fears,

Pride ruled my will. Remember not past years!

Meantime, along the narrow rugged path, Thyself hast trod,

Lead, Savior, lead me home in childlike faith, home to my God.

To rest forever after earthly strife

In the calm light of everlasting life.

Am I wandering through life or being led?

Perhaps I missed a chance to do something great this fall; To grow from a class I should have taken, to serve in a capacity I might have been given, or to simply be at peace with the world around me.

The story continues: After having forgotten the source of his happiness, the next time this former young missionary was faced with a decision, he turned and asked God, "What wouldst thou have me do, now?"