Monday, December 13, 2010


Sometimes I feel like Napoleon Dynamite was right in so many ways. Most recently I have been thinking about this quote:

"Girls only want boyfriends who have great skills!"

Sometimes I don't get what brings two people together and causes them to start dating. Let's go through the progression:

Middle School:
-The reasons we like others may go as deep as their hair color, their hair style, their lack of braces, how fast they can run the Park mile, their dodgeball/capture the flag/PE abilities. I once had a crush on a girl because she used crutches. Deep and abiding are not the words I'd use for middle school romance.

High School:
-The reasons we like people in this season is even less connected with reality. We like people because they have cool cars, are on a school sports team or cheer squad, they sit next to us in class, they listen to the same music we do, they wear pink and say "like" a hundred times a day, they make us feel cool or give us a status symbol, and probably, they like to kiss A LOT. Just a few of the reasons high school loves are formed, I feel.

Freshman Year of College:
This is a tricky stage to find love in. The reasons here for two people liking each other vary greatly, but I can still think of a few generals. The reasons might be they simply HAVE a car (regardless of how cool), once again, they probably like to kiss a lot, or an admiration for the pursuits and immature goals one has as a freshman, the "funness" of another person, or a yearning to find someone to care for you whilst one is far from home.

Young Adult Life:
There is this gross misconception that the coming together of two people in this stage is without the fallacies of the previous dating/finding love stages. It is full of them, as well. But this stage, I suppose, is where finding love is the best balance between admiration and infatuation. What is love without some infatuation? I think the best reasons for two people coming together in this season are a deep respect for what the other values, a commitment to care for another person amidst weakness, a similar perspective of life and its dealings, and an enjoyment of one another in any and all (or at lease most) situations.

Still, I cannot help feel that love is this game of picking and choosing, debating and deciding whether his/her skills are cool enough for my attention. If love is a case of skills, then I am lost. I have no skills! (And please hold any flattering comments). I have nothing to put on display in front of the girls I like. No cool car, no cool hair, no cool singing abilities, no cool sports teams, no cool jokes, or cool muscles. If love is bred of coolness and skills, then once again, I am not bred for love.

I guess I just don't understand the concept yet. Either love is skills or it is chance. Either it is coolness or it is timing. Two people have to meet each other and for some reason, aside from coolness and skills, decide that the other person is worth abandoning independence and solitude. And if that's the case--probability and timing--then I can't ever assume the second hand will strike in my direction. So I guess I'd better start developing some sweet skills.

What brings two people together?


  1. Honestly, I didn't give any of those things consideration when I was single. For example, I was interested in guys who had a sense of humor, or who seemed genuinely interested in getting to know me, or who showed sensitivity.
    When I was single, I was thinking one day about who I might marry in the future. I was imagining what he might look like, and of course my dream guy came to mind. Then it occurred to me that the person who was perfect for me, and who would be the best father for my children, might not even be good looking. From that day on, my focus changed, and I quit worrying about what a guy looked like, or other petty things like what kind of car he drove. As it turned out, I married a nice looking man. He isn't G.Q., then again, neither am I. But we are compatible, and he is humorous, and sensitive, and took a genuine interest in me. :)
    To be perfectly honest, I think there are lots of girls who would go out more, but they just aren't asked.

  2. I think love is service and selfless kindness. That's when I feel the deepest love for Tyler at least. But, let's be honest, I was just looking for at hot bod. I just got really really lucky that he happens to be the best and most amazing person I've ever met=)

  3. ryan!! Speaking of love, I have a love connection for you!!!

  4. Is it good or sad commentary the majority of comments are from family? :)

    Let's recount - you have a car, you have hair, you can sing, you play sports, you're occasionally funny, and you aren't tubby like some (*cough*Bryce*cough*).

    Sounds like you've got it in spades.